First-Time Parent Takeaways: 3 Things I Could Keep Doing Throughout Motherhood

Just a few days ago, Melo and I were watching Tala play and practice standing, and I can’t help but notice that we have a kid now. “May bata na tayo”, I said. Tala looks and acts more like a toddler than a baby. We looked back to the things we went through in taking care of our first born; from her spitting that peaked when she was 4 months old, to her eczema, and worst the Impetigo Bullosa she had when she was turning 6 months old. It felt like these happened some two years ago.

So far, I am satisfied with how she is developing and growing. I know that we are lucky because we have the privilege to be with her all the time and take care of her ourselves. I also know that Tala is not a difficult baby if I compare our experience of raising her with the stories of other parents. I reflect on the things we do as her primary caregivers. I can’t claim that what we’re doing is the absolute right way of parenting, but I think these three things can be my guide in this journey as a mother.

MAKE BABIES FEEL YOU ARE THERE FOR THEM, ALWAYS

First-Time Parent Takeaways: 3 Things I Could Keep Doing Throughout Motherhood

I have read articles saying it is okay to let your babies cry for a few minutes so they learn how to self-soothe. Just thinking about it, honestly, I know that I can’t do it. I guess it’s because I am highly empathic as a person, what more with my own child. The way I see it is there’s no harm comforting your baby and instantly responding to their cries. As soon as she cries, I carry her, embrace her, and comfort her. I mentioned it before in my other posts that I am doing responsive parenting. I do on-demand feeding, so there was a time when Tala as a newborn breastfed almost every hour. I was practically carrying her the whole day, even while she sleeps. It took a lot of patience and shoulder and back pain. I think it’s exactly what she needed to be able to adjust smoothly to her new environment, one that is completely different from the nine months she was inside my tummy. I think it was all worth it because (1) I am able to make her feel that she is safe, (2) I am teaching her to put trust on other people, starting with us her parents, and (3) it helps build her confidence as she adjusted and learned to explore her surroundings. Eventually and all by herself, she breastfed less and she got more open to being put down during sleep, playing by herself, and being with another caregiver that’s not Melo and myself. I think the time and effort that I invested on building a bond with her as early as when she was still a newborn is paying off.

GIVE YOUR BABIES THE ENVIRONMENT FOR LEARNING

First-Time Parent Takeaways: 3 Things I Could Keep Doing Throughout Motherhood

It is natural for parents, probably more for those at their first time, to be extra cautious, nervous, protective of their babies. The idea of germs, bacteria, sickness is really scary. However, I know from common knowledge passed on from one parent to another that exposure to dirt (just the right amount of it) actually helps in strengthening an individual’s immune system. It is no different with learning skills. One needs to make mistakes, get a couple of bruises and scratches before she learns how to do things by herself. As often as possible, we let Tala crawl and play on the floor. We, of course, keep an eye on her and remove things that can possibly harm her. Now, she crawls fast, practice standing without holding onto something, and she can even climb the stairs at 9 months! All with supervision. Nothing to worry about. We’re not reckless parents. One time, Tala bumped her head so as expected, she cried. I said to Melo, this is just the first few times she’s going to get herself hurt. One day there will be scratches, wounds, and blood. And it’s all part of growing up. Point is we have to give her the space to try things out, make mistakes even get hurt, so she’d be able to gain the skills she will need to stand on her own.

LET BABIES LEARN AT THEIR OWN PACE

We know each baby is different. Although tips and advices give us the idea that babies should be trained how to sleep by themselves or to decide when it’s time to wean them from breastfeeding. I know there are practical reasons for these. In my case though since we had the time and flexibility to do things our way and there was no rush, I learned that babies can adjust and learn by themselves if you just give them time. As I said, Tala used to breastfeed every hour and she wouldn’t allow being put down for sleep, but eventually she did otherwise. It took patience and a lot of trial and error. Until now, in fact, we still adjust things based on what we think will work for her. Tala eats solid food now so she breastfeeds less. We are also able to leave her sleeping by herself in the room. At times, she just shouts to call for attention when she’s already awake, instead of crying. She knows someone will come to her if she calls out or sort of knock on the door. We are actually amazed by the skills she’s showing the past weeks. It seems that she’s advanced for her age but actually when I read articles about babies her age, the skills she’s showing are really expected at this stage. What’s important is that we are able to give her the support she needs, and let her do things at her own pace.

These three sum up what I think I can do as a mother for every stage Tala will be in her growth and development. Aside from being observant and intuitive right from the beginning, I know these are also influenced by the way we were raised by our parents. I think everything will be fine and I look forward to seeing how things will turn out.

Searching for an Online Job: Tips from a Beginner

I’m ecstatic that I made progress with my online career. I’ve been posting about it frequently these past days and friends have already been asking about it. Melo and I have so much appreciation of the Internet and technology today that’s been making work with people from all over the world possible without the need to travel, being far from one’s family, or wasting time and energy on the commute. It got me looking back on the steps I took before I got my first online job. I thought it would be nice to share my personal experience and insights to help those interested to try it out.

It began with the question we all ask, “how do we make more money?” We knew the opportunities are now online. We want to start a business, but we haven’t figured out what exactly we’re supposed to do. Being frequent customers of Lazada especially since I moved to the province and after I gave birth, we thought we could also start our own online store. In fact, we already had it set up, and the Lazada account manager has been bugging me for weeks to move forward. However, there was one challenge, our location is not serviced by Lazada courier. They are able to deliver products here, but they cannot do pickup for sellers. It’s either we move our warehouse address to serviceable areas or we rent a space at the Lazada warehouse. In a nutshell, we hit a wall even before we started. Right now, the project was put on hold.

REJECTIONS COME FIRST

We were supposed to fly to Manila in July in time for our birthday, but weren’t able to because we don’t have enough funds. This is one of the reasons that compelled me to look for a job. Around the first week of July, I researched on Google, “work from home jobs”, “online jobs philippines”, and other similar keywords. I signed up on clickworker.com, typingworkforus.in, appen.com, upwork.com. I also updated my profile on jobstreet.com.ph and applied for online jobs. All the .coms I mentioned didn’t make any progress. I don’t think clickworker and typingworkforus are legit. For Appen, maybe it just didn’t work for me. Upwork, they say is legit. It looks legit. For me, it’s just hard to get a job there especially because the site has this credits system. And I just had 2 credits left, with no job offers, not even an interview or chat with an employer. It is sort of limiting, because you can’t apply to as much jobs as you can while there are also fewer job opportunities, in my opinion. I checked my Freelancer.com account, too, and it’s kind of the same thing. With Jobstreet, at least I was able to make it to the exam stage for 2-3 job openings. It still gave me a confidence boost. Oh, don’t be disheartened by rejections. Can’t actually expect to land a job on the first try, right? It’s part of the process, and more reason to keep pushing. Getting in the interview or exam stages and being rejected afterwards is way better than not receiving any response at all. The rejections also made me think that maybe it’s God’s way of telling me that it is not yet the job for me. Something better was coming.

USE A BLOG AS YOUR DIGITAL RESUME AND PORTFOLIO

I continued researching online for job openings and tips from those with far more experience. At first, I thought about how some blog posts make it look so easy. Start a vlog they said. Start a course they said. Nonetheless, thanks to these blog posts, I decided to start my own blog. It was already mid-July. I’m usually not a risk-taker but creating momseaph.com was actually a risk for me. I purchased the domain and paid for a subscription on WordPress. It’s not a small amount knowing that we’re already low on funds and the returns of this blog will come much later and there’s no guarantee. Just got me to think that I have to be more disciplined in posting here because I already spent on it. The two (2) immediate benefits of momseaph.com were, (a) I was able to exercise my writing again, and (b) I was able to use this as a portfolio or sample work in my job applications. I actually got the idea from another blogger who said having a blog gives more chances of getting hired. I would suggest the same thing. I think this is applicable not only to those looking for writing jobs. Open a blog. It doesn’t have to be your own domain. It could be a free wordpress account. It can be 1-3 pages only just to showcase your professional experience, skills, and sample works. If you can add an introductory video, it would be great too because some employers ask for one. If you have one already prepared then you just link it up. Think of it as the modern day resume.

ONLINEJOBS.PH, THE JOBSTREET FOR ONLINE WORK OPPORTUNITIES

Days are passing by and I was still unemployed. I kept busy with my blog because it’s still an investment I made, which I’m hoping will eventually earn through advertisements. I continued searching for online jobs too. I tried looking on Facebook and joined groups. There are a lot but I think these two are the most helpful for me: (a) Online Filipino Freelancers and (b) Filipino Freelancer Online Home Based Job (Upwork, Elance, oDesk etc). You will need to request to be a member before you get access to the page. There are a lot of helpful information from job openings, to personal experiences, to tips. It’s actually from one of these groups that I learned about Online Jobs PH. It’s overall user experience is fantastic. For me its level of credibility as a job site is the same as Jobstreet. It’s very easy to use and understand. The website functions are helpful to both the job seekers and employers. It’s important to complete your profile and Online Jobs PH made sure to guide job seekers in accomplishing this. I created my profile on August 3 and immediately started applying for jobs. The following day I got a response from an employer. I made it up to the second test but I wasn’t hired because the task was really able to help determine whether I was fit for the job, and I understood it, too. Again, another rejection but found this helpful so I was able to filter the jobs I applied for. On the site, you can send up to maximum 10 applications per day. And there was a day that I actually use up all that allocation. I submitted around 30 applications in 7 days, till I got hired on August 10. Afterwards, I continued submitting applications, this time for part time jobs. I noticed that the chances for getting responses and getting hired increased. The employers can see if you’ve already been hired via Online Jobs PH in the past and they’re also informed when you get hired by another employer. The latter happened to me just recently. I got hired for a part time job, and my other employer was informed.

While the employers are being thorough in their search, make sure to do the same. There still can be some postings that can’t be trusted or look sketchy. I did try applying to some of them, got a response but figured something’s off, and confirmed either through searching for reviews online or I simply trusted my instinct. There’s perfect–job.com and livingston-research.com to name a few. Rule of thumb, if it’s too good to be true then don’t trust it. Walk away.  

SPEAK AND WORK LIKE A BUSINESS OWNER

The beauty of the online employment I think is that it got rid of the HIRErarchy, where the employer is more in a position of power. I think of it as like having your own business and you’re talking to potential clients to offer your services. I always write a fresh cover letter. I tried different tones depending on the role I’m applying for or my impression of what kind of employer I’m pitching to. Imagine speaking to different kinds of clients, some may be friendly and casual while some may want to be more formal. Point is you have to be the right amount of confident, friendly, and helpful. Sometimes I start my cover letter with “Let me help you”, other times I just use the standard “I am interested to apply for the role”. Then I give a short description of my relevant experience and links to my resume and blog. And I end with saying “I hope to get a chance to work with”or “I look forward to working with you”. I read in another blog that it’s also good to sound like you’ve already earned the job, but not sounding overconfident. I think honesty also helps. It adds to your credibility. It shows that you are a mature, experienced professional. Everyone wants to work with someone like that. This will also give you a peace of mind. When I was applying for the part time job, I told the employers I talked to that I have another employer I’m currently working with and that I hope it’s not an issue for them. So far, the employers I’m in touch with are understanding and supportive. They know that the beauty of working online is you have that flexibility to earn more money.

This is it for now. It’s a long post and there’s more to discuss. I will do my best to write related posts in the future as I progress in this industry. I invite people to comment below or message me if you have questions or suggestions. I would love to help others who want to start a career online or collaborate with those who have more experience than I currently have. Exciting times ahead!

Online is where the new business districts for stay-at-home parents can be

Once upon a time I dreamt of climbing the corporate ladder, but like in the multiple endings books, the pages I turned led me to a different story. I saw a LinkedIn notification about a college batchmate who got promoted to a higher position in a big advertising agency, the industry I once belonged. It has a nice ring to it, and I thought to myself: (1) we’re growing old and becoming experienced, it felt strange but we’re actually now in the stage of being the boss; (2) I felt envious, or am I?

A glass of beer to cap a productive day

I used to think one day I’d become a top executive, buy a condominium unit in Manila and a house in Tagaytay where I can spend the weekends and go home to anytime I’m stressed or I feel like it. I’d be very busy, calling shots in the office, respected and influential. I’ll end my days relaxing and drinking with friends. Then repeat. I will also have time to travel to places for leisure and work. Maybe this is what I’ve become in an alternate universe.

This was how my Monday went. I woke up, combed my hair, brushed my teeth. I went out the room to turn on my laptop, because I’m rushing to finish a presentation which was a test for an online job I’m applying for. I wanted to get a head start before Tala wakes up. Melo had to do some errands. I just asked him to come back home immediately so he can play with Tala while I work. We squeezed in brunch when Tala woke up. Some quick interruptions here and there. I was able to finish in more or less five hours. We found out that Melo’s parents are flying back early the next day. It was a spontaneous decision. We’d spend the night in Tacloban, so Melo doesn’t have to drive for three hours so early in the morning the following day.

Simple joys, dinner at Shakey’s

I thought to myself as we drove to Tacloban, I could be a director too, but that would mean long hours of work in an office. I might even bring some more work at home. I’d have to commute everyday. I can’t just go to another province spontaneously at 4pm in the afternoon. I’d have more money to spend. I don’t have that now, but I have time.

I, then, felt an appreciation of technology. It has afforded us to work anywhere, anytime. The job postings I look at right now are from all over the world. Good thing there are websites like UpWork and onlinejobs.ph. Jobstreet now also have home-based job postings. I don’t have to leave the comforts of our house to go there for an exam or interview. I haven’t been hired, but I think this is where the world has been heading now, virtual business districts where opportunities are endless. There will be no fancy corporate attire or corner office or nights out with colleagues. However, there’s the opportunity of not only getting hired but also to hire. From becoming virtual assistants or freelancers to CEO or Founder of your own company. To top it all, I get to spend time with my daughter and husband, and be as spontaneous as how we did when we went to Tacloban.

What we want is the wealth of time. I even told Melo that we have to do everything we can to make sure that we also get to spend time with our next kids as much as we did with Tala. Having a stable income is crucial to achieve it. Right now we are not able to visit our family and friends in Manila as much as we want to because we don’t have enough funds. This is the reason I’ve been trying to establish myself online the past couple of weeks. This is the reason we’re asking ourselves what businesses we can start and sustain.

It may not be for everyone, but I think I like and I am excited about where this story is going.

Breastfeeding is best for my baby and me

I decided I’d breastfeed long before I got pregnant. I think it’s primarily because of effective advertising. The people behind it succeeded in making sure people will remember the message like a song: “Breast milk is best for babies up to 2 years.” Additionally, I’ve seen campaigns emphasizing how our babies are not cows so they should be feeding on breast milk.

I’m writing about breastfeeding because I saw on Twitter that August is National Breastfeeding Month, and August 1-7 is World Breastfeeding Week. I want to share my experience without simply echoing what’s already common knowledge for everyone.

ABOUT MY MILK PRODUCTION

I’m very thankful I have a good amount of breast milk. I’m not sure if it’s just my body or I guess the Natalac capsules I’m taking is doing a great job. I’ve been prescribed by my mother-in law who’s also an OB-GYN to take the said food supplement since I was six months pregnant, and I still do until now. If you’re still in your pregnancy stage or currently breastfeeding your little one, I suggest to ask your doctor about Natalac if you want to try it.

When you have a good amount of breast milk, it’s important to empty your breasts. A nurse warned me about this, but I didn’t expect to actually experience it. On the fourth night after giving birth, I woke up in the middle of the night because of chills. It was scary and I did panic. Apparently, it’s because I have so much milk. Tala wasn’t with me yet, hasn’t learned to latch correctly, and I haven’t pumped. Oversupply, if not dealt with immediately, can lead to a condition called mastitis.  

HOW I LEARNED TO BREASTFEED

We most definitely didn’t want Tala to be confined in the hospital after she was born but at least one of its advantages was that I was able to get a 7-day crash course from the nurses on the basics and necessary things to do in taking care of my baby. Tala was not allowed to room in with me. I got discharged ahead of her, so I just visited her at the nursery to feed her. The nurses and resident doctor guided me on how to do it. They also gave me tips on how to pump and store milk. Most women will get these information from their moms, mom friends, or the Internet. It was convenient and helpful that I got instruction from health professionals. I even think hospitals should actually have breastfeeding education programs for first time moms before they get discharged. Perhaps some hospitals are already doing it. That would be great!

MY BREASTFEEDING LIFESTYLE

Not only is breastfeeding cost efficient, it’s travel friendly. I remember when my younger brothers were still babies, we would bring bottles and portioned formula milk. I think it’s pretty bulky to pack and bring. Tala goes wherever Melo and I go, and we’re kind of always on-the-go. It’s convenient to not have to do the extra step of sterilizing bottles, packing up, making sure there’s enough portioned milk. I just strike anywhere! I’m not even the type to get shy. I believe breastfeeding is natural and to normalize it, moms should have the freedom to do it without being embarrassed.

I can’t talk much about pumping milk because I only did it when Tala was still in the hospital and when I mixed it with her solid food on her 6th month. I first tried hand express after I gave birth, because we haven’t bought a pump yet. What we got is a Looney Tunes Manual Pump, the type that was recommended by the nurse at the hospital. Since I’m a stay-at-home mom and we’re practically together 24/7, Tala just feeds directly.

WHAT I WEAR AS A BREASTFEEDING MOM

What I spend on are breastpads which I buy from Lazada. Baby Moby Disposable Breastpads is extra absorbent. It costs me Php 6.50 per piece. In terms of clothing, I’ve used maternity bras and slim breastfeeding tank top with built-in maternity bra. However, right now I’ve switched to wearing tubes instead. It’s much cooler to wear and easier to use for breastfeeding. Wearing tube was actually a suggestion of a mom friend, but I only tried it just recently. I found tubes costing Php 60 per piece. I used breastfeeding cover before but it became more of a hassle for me. It’s an extra object to pack and I have to wear it before I can feed an already crying and impatient baby. Plus, Tala pushes the cover away so I may get exposed. I tried the suggestion of my sister-in-law to just wear two layers of clothing, which is really more efficient for me. There are a lot of breastfeeding clothes brands which have really stylish and nice designs. I bought a few myself and received some as gifts. But I never got a hang of it. I end up just lifting the shirt because it’s faster. 

With all the talk about breastfeeding, I know moms can’t help but feel pressured if they don’t have enough milk. I don’t think it’s right to make moms feel guilty if they can’t breastfeed, if they choose not to, or if they choose to mix feed. Our generation grew up on formula milk and I think we turned out fine. Breastfeeding campaigns are there to inform and encourage moms to do it. At the end of the day, what’s important is what will be good for your baby’s health and what works for you. Nonetheless, I really, really hope all moms are able to breastfeed and will choose to do so. Happy national breastfeeding month!

Why I’m happy I got married around my 30s

When I was still in my teens, I said my goal was to be married in my mid-twenties. My girl friends said the same thing. Reaching 25 seemed like a long way to go from back then. Now I am 30 years old. I got married and gave birth last year 2018. I’m glad it happened later. Not only did my mama say the timing was just right, I’m also sure it would have been a lot more challenging for my younger self to adjust to. I can only imagine. It doesn’t mean it’s a walk in the park for me now. I just know that I’m better equipped for this life thanks to a few more years of staying single. 

I’M NOW AN ADULT

I never forgot the idea that the human brain becomes fully developed by age 25. I remember conversations in the past about keeping good attitudes and changing bad ones before you hit that age, otherwise it becomes who you are when you get old. The saying ‘can’t teach old dogs new tricks’ made sense. Getting married around my 30s is great because at least I think I’ve already established who I am as an individual. I’m past the phase of trying to figure out my personality, my beliefs, how I speak, and how I act. I already have a strong foundation. My husband can be sure of what type of person he married and he’s going to live with for the rest of his life. 

I CAN BE A BETTER WIFE

I learned from my mistakes and from others’. I keep in mind the not-to-dos, what-to-dos, what-to-says, how-to-says. Since I’m now older, I got better at not thinking only about myself or what others think of me. I’m done with having relationships based on impressions and I understand deeper relationships that are based on friendship, trust, and respect. 

FROM WHAT IFS TO WHAT’S NEXT

I have 10 years of professional experience. Since I’m a job hopper, I was able to make the most of it. I was able to travel as much as I wanted to as many places I can go to both for leisure and work. I spent nights going out and drinking with friends as often as I could, until shortly before I got married I started to feel like I’m getting old for it. It’s all good memories and no regrets. Now the question I ask is what to do next in my new life with my own family. 

I CAN BE A GOOD MOTHER

I can never claim to be perfect. But I’m confident that at this age I am more capable of raising a child. I’ve grown smarter and wiser thanks to my experiences, so that I can make good decisions concerning my baby and give her proper guidance. I’m making it my goal to raise my children to be good citizens who have the right values and can contribute to the betterment of our society. 

I’m happy time was able to prepare me to becoming a wife and mother, and whatever life is going to throw at me next. It’s a continuous learning experience. Now at 30, for me, it’s just a good time to start.

Three tips on how to have a better delivery of your baby

We found out that my water broke on November 29, 2018 at around 8 AM. We weren’t even sure if it’s really the amniotic fluid or just a discharge from the evening primrose oil that I took the night before. We didn’t know how to react. Should we panic and rush to the emergency room or stay calm and wait for our doctor’s advice? We went to the labor room at around 11 AM, that’s when we’re informed that my labor had begun.

Here are three tips on how to have a better delivery based on my experience.

HAVE A BIRTH PLAN A TO Z

I always say that my birth plan was to be flexible. What I did when I was still pregnant was to read a lot about giving birth so I’d know my options. I did research about epidural to know the pros and cons, though it’s being discouraged by some. I noticed too that natural birth has become a trend and it already seems like an obsession for some moms. Yes, my doctor and I agreed that we will aim for normal birth. Nonetheless, I kept an open mind to the possibility of a C-Section, because there were ultrasound results that show that Tala might be a big baby. My doctor advised me to not eat lunch and stop drinking water when I was already in labor, so we’ll be prepared if in case we need to do the C-Section. Later, I found out from another mom that she had a bad experience with her emergency C-Section. She was vomiting during the operation, because she was full. I am thankful my doctor made that proactive call.

Back to my labor, I wasn’t dilating as fast as we wanted. At around 7 PM, when the doctor did an internal examination, I was still at 4 cm. Doing a C-section was now the better choice, because Tala had been exposed for more than 11 hours. The chances of her getting an infection was increasing. She was born at 9:32 PM. It was found out that she also had a coil around her foot which may be the reason why she wasn’t able to go down and help me dilate. The ultrasound only showed one coil around her neck which should still be safe for normal delivery. Had I wanted to push through with a natural birth because that’s my birth plan A, who knows what might have gone wrong.

Point is, it’s important to know the options, understand the advantages and disadvantages, and accept if and when intervention is necessary. In reality, no one has control over what will happen during labor. The ultimate birth plan is to know what needs to be done when it needs to be done for your safety and your baby’s.

ALWAYS ASK QUESTIONS

Don’t be ashamed of not knowing. Your doctor, experts are there to give you advice. It’s best to ask them about everything no matter how stupid the question sounds. It’s the doctor’s job to explain to you and help you understand. If your doctor seems like they are not being thorough, then insist on getting an elaborate explanation, or you might consider consulting with a new one. I’m fortunate that my doctor was patient with explaining things to me.

The labor room can be pretty busy. Depends on how many mothers are going in labor at the same time. Nurses will do standard procedures on you. It’s already routine. They know what they’re doing, you don’t, so go ahead and ask. When a nurse would come up to me and inject something, I’d ask what it is for. Some offer information, some don’t. Bottom line is, you need to know.

TRUST YOUR BODY AND YOUR BABY

If you have normal pregnancy, know that our body is designed to carry and give birth to babies. And your baby will know when it’s time to come out to the world. Some moms talk about the pain of giving birth, sometimes way too much, and it can make the expecting ones more nervous than necessary. Every pregnancy is different and it can be your choice to feel less scared and more prepared. My way was to keep myself well-informed of all the necessary things. Think about this, during labor cervical dilation happens gradually from 1 cm to 10 cm. It is not a sudden 10 cm. So it’s nature’s way, it’s the body’s way to ease you into giving birth.

Choose whatever you think is best for you and your baby with the guidance of your doctor, of course. Wishing you happy and safe delivery mommies!

How to not feel bad for being a stay-at-home mom

It’s the first time after graduating college in 2009 that I am out of an office job. I chose to be a stay-at-home mom while I help in managing the resort of my husband’s family. It’s challenging, because: (1) I’m still figuring out motherhood; (2) I had to adjust to living with my husband and in-laws in the province; and (3) helping in the resort meant having a new workplace and new workmates. Basically, everything is new to me.

For me, the struggle came more from the inside than any external factor. There’s the clash between what I was used to and this new environment that I’m in. I had to make peace with myself eventually, thanks to these three ideas.

THE DEFINITION OF PRODUCTIVE CHANGED

My day changed from commuting to the office, attending meetings, and doing tasks on the computer to breastfeeding, putting my baby to sleep, and changing diapers. I think they’re equally difficult tasks, but I didn’t feel that I’m accomplishing anything. It’s not like I’m going to make my key performance indicator the number of diapers I was able to change, right? I just had to acknowledge that my primary job now is a mother and embrace it. It meant taking care of a life. I am productive if I am able to attend to all my baby’s needs. It will take a very long time before I can measure my success, which will be based on how she turns out as an adult.  

DON’T STOP TRYING

I have tried the different strategies I know that I used to do at work. I tried to plan my tasks ahead on a planner, a whiteboard, on a laptop. I even tried using Trello again. We’ve rearranged our room several times already, trying to figure out which would be safe for Tala and efficient for us. In fact, we just setup the balcony to be our new work space. I hope it works or we’ll just figure it out again. Point is, everyday it’s like doing a mini process evaluation inside my head and I just re-calibrate tomorrow as needed.

IT’S OKAY TO RELAX

When Tala was younger, I slept whenever she was sleeping, any time in the day. I still do it now from time to time. And it makes me think I’m being lazy. Although I know that it’s actually one of the advice to moms during the first months of their baby, to catch up on sleep because there can be sleepless nights. Still, it made me feel guilty. What I tell myself is if I’m being a bum then this is the first time I’m doing it, because I immediately got a job after graduating. It’s okay to take a break from the employment world. Besides, we carried our babies in our womb for nine months, it’s perfectly fine to relax, focus on the baby, and recover first.

Bottom line is we mothers should not forget to take it easy on ourselves. It’s a difficult job with long hours and no salary. It’s an equally respectable career, and we are very proud of it.

Calm your baby, carry her

As a first time mom, I have been advised several times to not let my baby get used to being carried all the time. I think I had the same impression when I was still single, and might have mentioned it to other moms back then. In reality, I held my little girl, Tala, for practically 24/7 during her first few months.

It’s part of my responsive parenting style, so obviously I did carry her whenever she cried. There came a point that I’ve accepted that perhaps Tala was a velcro baby. However, I came across some other ideas online, that it should be looked at as perfectly normal. Babies stayed inside the womb for nine months. When they were born, they’re introduced to an entirely new environment. The only feeling that’s familiar to them is being close to their mother.

I imagined how Tala might have felt every time she cried. It must be scary for her being outside her comfort zone, literally. All of a sudden, she no longer heard my heartbeat, my blood flowing through my veins, and it’s not as dark anymore. There are so many new sounds too that she doesn’t understand and cannot see clearly just yet. On my part, I also felt tired at times and wanted to put her down. There are instances when I thought she’s already sleeping, then she’d wake up and cry when I try to leave her on her bed. I wanted her to adjust and learn sooner. I also have other things I needed to do. After much struggle and inner battle, I decided that Tala comes first. I will help her transition to this world in her own pace. I carry her when she cries to calm her, while I still continue to try putting her down for short periods, then just increased the duration so she’d get comfortable with it.

It didn’t take long. It did felt like forever, but looking back; oh how the time just passed by so quickly. Now, turning eight months old, Tala already wriggles when she’s carried, because she wants to sit, to crawl, to stand, to touch things she’s curious about. She even protests when I hug her tight. She’s also able to sleep on the bed by herself. It won’t take long until she’s busy with her thing, and I’d be the one bugging her for a hug or so we can spend time together just like how we used to. A friend did tell me that science says babies who were held more turn out to be well-adjusted children. I kept that idea to heart so I’m reassured that this is the right thing to do.

I know, I know this can be too much for some moms, especially if you want to keep a work-life balance. I suggest do make the most of your maternity leave. Carry and hug your baby as much as you can specifically in the first few months. I’m certain that you won’t regret it, because those days you held them in your arms are priceless. They will never be a baby again.

Related article: read about Why babies calm down when carried.

Adjusting to becoming a mom, can it get easier?

“It feels like my life is now just all about the baby and my partner.”

“I also have a career that I put on hold.”

“It’s hard not being able to earn my own money.”

“Why is my husband not taking care of our baby even during his time off at work?”

“I’m tired too.”

“I’m just sad. I miss my old life.”

These were some of the sentiments my fellow first time moms said during our chats yesterday. These statements are so relatable, at one point in time you and I may have felt and said the same thing. It feels unfair, but there’s also a feeling of guilt because it’s as if when a mother starts thinking about herself then she loves her child less.

There’s the challenge of finding the perfect balance between trying to fulfill your personal needs and wants and giving everything for your child. It’s a question of what things will be prioritized over the other. Everyday you keep thinking of how to make it work.

I’m still figuring it out myself, but allow me to share with you three things I have been doing to help ease the motherhood discomfort.

OWN IT! I AM NOW A MOM.

During my pregnancy and right after giving birth, it felt like a part of me faded away. Not wanting to let go of who I was added difficulty to the adjustment to motherhood. I missed being with my single friends and colleagues. I missed going out and having fun any day, up till we felt like it. It’s like there’s this illusion that soon I can still go back to exactly how things were before my baby came. But having a baby means the priorities have changed. The lifestyle will change. I am now responsible for another living person who needs to depend on me for many years starting the moment she was conceived. The way I felt changed, the moment I have accepted my new self. It’s like graduating in life. It doesn’t mean doing entirely the opposite of everything before the baby came. It just meant meeting for lunch with friends instead of dinner, or waiting for the baby to sleep before drinking a bottle or two of beer. It’s still me, but a newer version, a better one.

HAVE REAL AND HONEST CONVERSATIONS WITH YOUR LOVED ONES AND FRIENDS.

Doing this is actually still more for yourself than for them. The more you talk about what you are experiencing with complete honesty, the easier it is becoming part of your new normal. We are so quick to answer, “I’m fine.” It’s  a super short sentence that doesn’t actually speak truth. Motherhood is not a walk in the park, and it’s okay to discuss with other people how difficult it is. Which parts of it are challenging? What I’ve noticed when talking to other moms, is that we’ve got situations that may be a problem for one and just easy peasy for the other. Discussing it with each other is the way we’re able to give and get support, because then we can share ideas and let other moms know that they’re not alone and there are things that can be done. It’s the same with husbands. Be patient in starting honest conversations. Acknowledge that they share the experience too, but from a different point of view. While we probably tease each other of who’s the kid’s favorite parent, it doesn’t really have to be a competition. Our husbands are our best and top pick for teammate. Let them know that.

MOMMY, TAKE BABY STEPS. DON’T GIVE UP, YOU’LL LEARN TO “WALK” SOON.

I really make an effort to not overthink things. I am used to setting personal targets and doing regular self-evaluation. I don’t think it’s working well for my transition to motherhood because it makes me set expectations that I’m not able to fulfill. I just end up getting disappointed. Instead of counting what I am not able to do, I try to focus on what I am able to do. And then I try again tomorrow. This is exactly the reason why I decided to start blogging because this is my way of trying to do something with my new self, and understanding who I will be as a mom.

All of these are related to what is called matrescence, meaning the process of becoming a mother. We’re actually encouraged to learn more about it, talk about it, and understand that it’s a normal life stage for a woman who’s transitioning to motherhood. More articles are easily accessible online when you Google matrescence. I first encountered the term through this Ted Talk video, then decided to do some research about it. It’s actually enlightening and it helps to know.